When Should I Commit?

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Commitment can have a lot of meanings, but for The Wait, it has only one: marriage.

If you love someone but dating exclusively is as far as you’re willing to go, what you’re saying is, “I think you’re right for me, but I’m not sure.” That’s fine for a while because we all need time to get to know one another. But when that sort of situation goes on and on for years, one or both partners are dodging true commitment.

If you and your partner are communicating, sharing, being honest, exploring new things together, and keeping your objectivity, you shouldn’t need more than a year to figure out whether God intended you for each other.

Cleaning up your dating life is an important part of getting ready for commitment.This might include doing things like cutting ties to exes you still hang out with or being honest about being with someone you’re starting to like instead of hiding it.Doing this says to the person you’re dating, “I’m ready to take the next step toward seeing if you are the one God has in mind for me.”

Here are some areas you need to be conscious of when you’re considering commitment: 

1.The Friends-And-Family Plan 

In relationships, friends and family members tend to fall into two camps: defenders and advocates.

Defenders are skeptical, even cynical, about the person you’re dating. They’re looking out for your interests, and while they can prompt you to ask some good questions, they can easily cross over into the negative, finding fault where there isn’t any.

Advocates are absolutely uncritical about the person you’re with, even when they should be. They’re so pumped that you’re in a relationship that they could push you to move faster than you’re comfortable going. Obviously, this is potentially a problem.

When you let well-meaning family members or close friends push you out of your comfort zone, you sabotage yourself.

When you’re ready to commit, make sure you know and keep your family and friends where they belong. If you manage friends and family right, they can be assets to your journey as a couple, even before you get together.

2. Passion Chemistry

Even if you’re practicing The Wait and remaining celibate, you need to assess if you and the person you’re dating have passion chemistry. 

Just because you practice The Wait doesn’t guarantee you’re going to have a great sex life when you get married. So, don’t be afraid to kiss each other or hold each other, because if there isn’t passion chemistry, this is a red flag that you’ll need to address.

3. Cohabitation 

Should You Live Like You’re Married When You’re Not?

Once people think they’re with the person God wants them to marry, they often take the next step: move in together. 

However, while plenty of men and women have lived together and had successful marriages, it’s not our recommendation.

It’s essential not to avoid acting like you’re married before you actually are. Doing that establishes expectations that can become impossible to live up to.

Cohabitation is another form of limbo where one or both of you can easily start presuming that you should be treated like a spouse even though you’re not. Acting married when you’re not can set you up for heartbreak. If someone’s not committing to you permanently, it’s usually for a reason.

4. Breaking the Stalemate

You have a stalemate, a catch-22 situation where both people are waiting on the other to commit before committing themselves.

If stalemates don’t end quickly, they don’t end well. Inevitably, one person gets impatient and moves on.

With a few honest, inquisitive conversations, it’s really not that hard to figure out if someone you’re dating is serious or not. If he or she isn’t that person, then the pressure’s off! You can keep dating for enjoyment, or you can choose to move on to other people. But don’t allow your relationship to be one of assumption.

5. Reasons Not to Commit 

Committing before you’re ready is worse than not committing at all.

If you realize you’ve chosen a person because she or he was willing to wait—and not much else, then this is a reason to hesitate. Once The Wait is over, you still need someone with whom you’re compatible in every way, and compatibility goes far beyond the desire to abstain from sex.

You shouldn’t commit because of pressure or fear that you’re falling behind, either. The pursuit of true love is one of patience.

There’s no shame in going a distance down the road with someone only to decide that long-term commitment isn’t best. It may be painful, but eventually you’ll both realize that it was for the best.

Now that you know what you need to consider when you’re ready to commit, it’s time to take action! In the comments below, let me know if you’re ready to commit and which area inspired you to make a change TODAY! 

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