Many single women are expressing anxiety to their girlfriends about their biological clocks, worrying about becoming older and lonely, and starting to wonder what’s wrong with them if nobody has popped the question.
These women seem to be obsessed with somebody—anybody—telling them that they are loved and cared for, even if that turns out to be a lie. And as a result, they are not waiting.
Besides the power of hormones, the force that typically drives women into the arms of guy after guy is fear. Scratch the surface of a lot of unmarried young women and you’ll find a layer of fear just below the surface.
Here are some of the reasons why so many women are fearful of waiting:
1. “If I Don’t Sleep With Him, I’ll Lose Him”
Some women who would love to be celibate just can’t do it because they’re afraid they’ll lose their man if they don’t sleep with him.
Let’s be honest: there are some men who won’t go along with a woman’s vow to abstain until marriage. They simply won’t consider it. However, this isn’t something you should fear. While choosing celibacy isn’t easy for either a man or a woman, the right man will be open to waiting for the woman he loves and knows he is destined to be with.
Here’s a secret about men, ladies: A man who says no to celibacy isn’t making a statement about you. It’s about him.
No woman should fear finding out that the guy she’s seeing won’t consider celibacy. A man leaving over sex is a blessing because it tells you that he wasn’t your husband. On the other hand, if you ditch celibacy out of desperation to keep him, you could end up wasting years with the wrong person. Worse yet, you might marry a man whose lack of sexual discipline lays the foundation for infidelity down the line.
2. “There Are Only A Few Good Men Out There”
Another obstacle that makes it hard for women to wait is the idea that they’re all in competition with one another for a limited supply of decent men. That’s toxic to self-esteem and spiritual growth. We serve a God who has an infinite number of ways to bless a woman with the right person. If we believe there are only “a few,” that’s when the trouble starts.
This notion of scarcity prompts women to fight it out for what they see as a dwindling supply of good, quality guys who are willing to commit to marriage. It propagates a host of dangerous stereotypes:
- Most of the men out there are worthless players who want nothing to do with marriage or commitment.
- The few good men who do want to get married know they have their pick of the pool, so women have to do anything and everything to catch one before he gets away.
In fact, none of this is true. Research shows that men aren’t quite as hopeless about commitment and relationships as we’ve been led to believe. In other words, there’s hope.
3. “I Won’t Have a Happily Ever After”
Movies and television are steeped in the mythology that a woman is only as good as the man she captures, and what captures that man is sex. Messed up as that is, it’s become a cultural touchstone that’s shaped everything about what young women believe they’re supposed to have and supposed to want.
When God created you, He made you a whole woman. He did the same for every woman. Each woman is complete unto herself, a child of the Lord with everything she needs to grow into a source of love, light, and power in this world. If that’s true, then why do most women believe the truest form of happiness can only be achieved once they find Mr. Right?
As a woman, it’s your responsibility to work on developing the fullness of who God created you to be before you give yourself to your husband. Until you do that, you won’t be ready to find and keep that perfect partner. God, not man, completes you.
4. “I Don’t Want to be Controlled”
Despite all the incredible gains that women have made in our society, we still live in an era that defines women largely according to their sexuality and appearance.
One way this stereotype plays out is in the idea that a woman can’t be the pursuer in a relationship. The man is supposed to initiate the action, make the first move, offer
to pay for dinner, and so on. Hunter and prey, right? Is this how it’s supposed to be?
There are as many different women’s natures as there are women. There are plenty of women who take the initiative. They extend the first invitation or they don’t call a guy until they’re good and ready. The cliché of the desperate woman waiting by the phone for last night’s date to call is so 1990, and not just because nobody has a landline anymore.
Smart women know that sex is power, and waiting is the ultimate act of claiming that power. Celibacy is control. Since most men date in the hopes of having sex at the end of the date, you’re the one calling the shots. Of course, there’s a fine line. It’s possible to use sex as a weapon or a tool—something that should be avoided.
Now that you know why women are afraid to wait, it’s time to take action! In the comments below, let me know which applies to you most and how you are going to change that TODAY!
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