This is the season of love and the only thing people want more than love is authentic love.
There’s no better strategy for getting what your heart desires than to become the kind of man or woman whose character attracts terrific people.
You might feel like you’re already making steady progress toward becoming that person but could use a boost to get to the next level. On the other hand, maybe you’re sick of being heartbroken and frustrated when it appears like everything in your life turns out to be a disappointment.
Don’t panic. It WILL happen.
Here are a few tips to help you find authentic love:
1.Make the Decision
Most times, sex prevents us from finding authentic love. When you have sex with someone, you really are leaving them a piece of yourself and taking a part of them with you . . . whether you want to or not. So, each sex partner, good and bad, becomes a part of your future.
Delaying gratification and getting greater control over your behavior is the key to finally finding the life and love you seek.
There’s no magic to “The Wait”—abstaining from sex. You just have to make the commitment and stick to it.
First, acknowledge the power of your sex drive and that it’s okay. You want sex. You want it a lot. You think about it. You fantasize. We all do. It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong or sinful about that. But what are you compromising to have sex? What is sex costing you? What are you not experiencing in your life that you might find if you stop obeying your sex drive and start obeying the Lord?
Once you’ve answered those questions, there’s still a more important one to answer. Can you make doing what’s right more important than doing what feels good? If you’re at that point, then you’re ready to try it.
If not, it’s better to admit that you’re not ready for “The Wait”. Just know that if you keep living the way you’ve been living, you’ll keep getting the same results. You’ll know when you’ve had enough and you’re ready to try it.
Also know that when you tell potential partners about your wait, some will want nothing to do with it. That’s a sacrifice you must be willing to make. In the long run, being able to bypass relationships with people who don’t want the same things you want out of life is a blessing.
If you end of having sex you should forgive yourself. You’re human. Talk it out with your partner and figure out how to keep the same thing from happening again.
2.Seek Wise Counsel
When you’re beginning “The Wait”, it’s a good idea to seek some counseling, either from a relationship or spiritual counselor.
Talk with someone who can help you figure out what baggage you’re clinging to, where it comes from, and how to let it go.
This can happen quickly, but the length of time doesn’t really matter. What matters is getting a spring cleaning of your spirit that lets you go into the world clear-eyed and ready to approach dating and relationships in a new, healthy way.
3.Let God Be Your Matchmaker
In trying to force the action in your life, you can easily overlook the fact that you’re not the matchmaker of your life. God is. God has a way of matching us with the opportunities that align with His divine plan. While the items on your to-do list—get the great job, find the perfect apartment, get those six-pack abs—are important, they aren’t to be done as if God doesn’t have a plan for your life, including your love life.
God already has the right life and relationship in mind for you. It may not be with the type of person you have in mind, and it may not be under the circumstances that you think are most desirable. But God knows how to make the perfect match if we allow him to match us.
The catch to this matchmaking is free will. We can ignore God’s intentions for our lives if we want to; many people do. He’s not going to force us to choose to live according to His will. It has to be our choice, because coerced change isn’t change at all. It’s punishment. However, God will put signs and symbols in our path—people, events, opportunities—that can show us the path in life that leads to joy and
fulfillment. Then it’s up to us to decide if we want to humble ourselves and submit to His plan, even if it seems to lead us away from what we want most.
If you’ve failed to choose God’s will for your life, even multiple times, you know what? There’s nothing wrong with you. You might make some bad choices, have issues to work out, or be desperate to update your social media status to “In a Relationship,” but that just means you’re human. We’re all human. All the relationship fails, bouts of loneliness, and romantic twists that seem like they’re straight out of a romance novel… God can use all of this to help match you with the right person and the life He’s always wanted you to have.
4.Give Up the Illusion of “The One”
When we start talking about God and God’s will, some people leap to the idea of “the One,” and that can be problematic.
It’s a deeply romantic notion that there’s one perfect person, a soul mate, for you somewhere in the world, and you’re drawing inexorably closer to each other. The truth, however, is more complicated.
Let’s be honest: most of us aren’t interested in being patient. What we really want is to find “The One” right now. If we happen to be patient, it’s begrudgingly because there are no other available options. So, we’re patient by default. Meanwhile, we work hard to assemble the elements of a great life that leaves nothing to chance:
- Move to a city that’s good for singles? Check.
- Work out and get fit? Check.
- Make sure what we wear, drive, and eat make us look like a great catch? Triple check.
Of course, you should make yourself as desirable as possible and put yourself in the position to meet quality single people. That’s just common sense. But problems begin when you believe that you can order a life partner the way you order a pizza.
There’s nothing wrong with being specific; the Bible does say, “Ask, and ye shall receive” (John 16:24, KJV). However, the danger comes when we think that if God doesn’t bring us a mate who’s exactly to our specifications, he’s not answering our prayers. What if God is trying to answer your prayers by bringing someone into your life who will fulfill every need, but it just so happens that he or she is very different from your physical ideal? If you’re only looking for the ideal, you can miss out.
Of course, finding the right one (or being found by the right one) usually isn’t that easy. When you don’t meet that person you think is perfect by your self-imposed deadline, it’s easy to surrender to panic, discard God’s plan, and engage in desperate, reckless behavior in order to make love happen in your life at any cost. This compounds the problem, because everything you see, hear, and read seems to imply that while you’re enduring agonizing breakups and awkward first dates, everyone else is finding their happily ever after.
Let’s be clear. Practicing “The Wait” doesn’t mean that you will end up with “The One”. This is not some genie-in-the-bottle practice that will make your perfect person magically appear. First of all, in God’s perfect plan there is one person who is right for each of us who has been called to marriage (an important distinction, because there are some who haven’t been called to it). If both people choose to follow God’s will, they will find each other. But some don’t. Some people veer off and put their will before the Lord’s. Does that mean you’re meant to be single for the rest of your life?
No, God always has a contingency plan. He’s made us compatible with many different types of people. God will provide a way for you to meet someone else who is the right match for the person you are—someone who will bring you joy, happiness, and peace.
As long as you have faith, God will ensure that you will find true happiness with someone who brings out the best in you.
Now that you have tips on how to find authentic love, it’s time to take action! In the comments below, let me know which tip you are going to apply TODAY!
If you haven’t gotten the free download of The Unwritten Rules to Dating and Waiting, download it here!